It’s only mid-week and I felt that in my inner self the hell broke loose.

Firstly, I allowed myself to indulge in one day of medical leave,
but did not manage to recover from my tiredness,
nor complete the tasks on hand that will be due soon.

Secondly, things kept popping up at work,
that made me realised that despite being at my current post for about six months,
I am still lacking in many ways.
I do not see the strengths of the patients.
I lack of empathy and attentiveness to record the important details they’d provided to me.
I lack of the interview skills to conduct an assessment properly.

Thirdly, there are some feelings that I kept avoiding,
or should I say that I have yet to find acceptance towards the kindness my colleagues have showered upon me?
When I done things that I thought everyone will do naturally,
I am always surprised to receive praise or things from them.
Maybe I grew up in a (harsh) environment that I do not expect to be rewarded for my performance,
so my reaction in turn surprises them.
I have forgotten that my current workplace is a place where care and concern is the nature of work,
and I hope to be able to receive them more warmly in the future.
 
Thank God for the public holiday tomorrow,
so that I have time to reflect.
so that I can catch up with my work, exercises and studies.

My brother and CR is doing mission work in chiangmai,
pls keep them in prayers J

岁月不留人!
今天去扫墓时意识爸爸已过世了十九年, 明年将是20周年!
不知不觉忙忙碌碌的一天天就这样过去了! 爸的女儿也长大了!
妹妹今儿也带了男朋友来. 想必爸爸在天之灵也会感到安慰.
唯感叹的是爸爸在34岁就过世了. 记忆里爸爸没有那么早过世.
And why does no one pray infront of a tomb?
女儿惠婷做了一个快速的祈祷, 希望爸你能听到.

If funny to think back that when i was young, i used to pray to God and then asked permission from God to speak to Daddy :) So God and daddy has always been a source of strength to me during my lonely and difficult times!

我们也去了爷爷天赐坟墓.
虽然爷爷出生时不认识耶稣, 他的父母亲也知道新生儿是一件祝福, 为爷爷天赐取了一个好听的名字! 天赐真是一个好听的名字!
愿我们让每天都成为祝福!

Looking forward to Friday.

this week, though it's only wed, has been a mentally draining one ;`(

feels like time is never enough,i'd lots of backlog and MP letters to clear AND i misses my sister who is in chiangmai doing missionary work. i kept finding myself visualizing what will I be doing if im in chiangmai....today, will be shopping day, me slipping chai latte. If it's at one pm on tomorrow I'll be having lunch with the kids. does that often happened to you too?? i misses the kids very much!

it's nearly a month since I'd worked as a social work assistant, and i'm still struggling to adapt. I discovered many of my incompetencies such as being poor in English that my supervisor has to keep correcting my grammer errors. My mind and language does not flow adequately for me to pen down the interaction contents I had with the patient into words, as such, i always feel that I short-changed them. Also, i kept having this feeling that my the social workers aint satisfied with my recordings too. And my biggest discomfort was that I cant seems to build rapport with the patients i'd seen. sometimes i feel that if i were the patient i would be annoyed at this swa for being so not empathic.

and i wonder is this related to my childhood. My current module is on adult psychopathology, of which many disorders are caused by having an unpleasant childhood. Me being so distant and cold, semi-anti social, a loner, and why does wrong words always come out of my mouth at the wrong time?!? other people can interact so naturally and I just a mood spoiler. let me clarify here, I am not trying to be a people pleasure, just that it's very hard to fit into one place, especially the places i like.

i'm 23 this year, and now, it'll take me at least three seconds to rmb my age coz i lost track of time. I'm afraid that time will pass so quickly that i'll be at my thirties before I knew it. There's much in life that I have not done, and two of them is being a more committed christian and falling in love. When will the time come? :'{

this week is a rather sad with three frenz goin overseas, of whom two are besties.
work is mundane, study is tiring, which makes this whole wk an rather unpleasant one.

but the wkend was different,
with sat night spending timeout with classmates.
and this morning i went for a RC event, to run 2km X 10 pax.
ninth runner came in first,
i ran the tenth and came in 3rd. so paiseh.
i seriously need to start exercising/running again.
i feel that my body now consists of all fats and no muscle,
there's nothing for me to burn when i was running just now (coz fats dun break down so easily)

and this wk i experience lots of akward silence in car.
becoz ppl in the car are not familiar enough with each other,
and no one brings up a topic to discuss about.
oh wells, im still grateful for this wkend.

time to nap!

to 2012

Read an article titled Celebrating A Year of Small Things by Rachel Chang in The Straits Time Life.

I've forgotten that laughing with a friend can make you feel less alone in this vast world,
and that trite peams can renew you in a vulnerable moment.

My year of 2011 see me through a change of job and putting braces.
This year of 2012 i wish to be able to laugh more, make effort in building r/s and be a better woman - spiritually.

i think i have no time to go for toliet breaks today that my diarrhoea is constipated in my stomach. So MC for tmr! yahs :)

love

I am always fascinated by the power of words, on how it can be transformed into a higher level of understanding with poetry and literature. And it brings elegance into life!

Watched an hour of Moulin Rouge (2001) yesterday, and I fell in love with musicals again. I find such joy in listening to the remake of many songs, especially Satin’s . And here it goes:

One day I’ll fly away
Leave all this to yesterday
what more can your love do for me?
When will love be through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream
And dread the day when dreaming ends.

Was tired and I fell asleep dreaming that I agreed to a matchmaking session. Not sure whether it was connected to the movie though. But it feels weird to be able to have the rights to kiss a man and hold his hand just because you are legally lawful but you don’t actually know him.

Am I too thirsty for love? Me is unsure, unsure that am I ready for love.

btw, this is a new blog created becoz i lost my old password. Farewell my old companion.